This is supposed to be a blog about my journey through this new life of sobriety. When I started this deal, with my very own "purchased" web address, I had this grand vision of spewing to the masses my personal take on recovery and enlisting my experiences to others in hopes of just possibly helping someone.
I never truly imagined that hundreds or even thousands would read this rag, I just set a goal to write and take on the personal enjoyment of a style of therapy that someone else could maybe relate to.
Now look at me; a couple of years later I find myself soaking in the tub of unavoidable pity, thinking that my life couldn't get much worse. Realistically, I know it could be worse, but that doesn't change the fact that there are some very shitty events in the present that are testing my sober resolve.
As far as expressing an obvious, logical observance to my present situation, let me assure you that if I chose to drink over the latest series of events, it would be so so so much worse. Ultimately, I might be so bold to say that I would probably have checked out with alcohol poisoning by now.
But, I haven't done that and I certainly have no plans to. Life still remains much more interesting with a clear head and the illusion of total recall (my memory is so much better now than it was when I was wallowing in whiskey).
Over the past 7-8 years, as most of you know, I have been a fairly busy substitute teacher, with a lengthy stint as a full time coordinator in the alternative classroom. Well, and I may be off of the time line a bit, over the past several years, I've been looking for other employment. Specifically a job with benefits and a few other bells and whistles. Yet, with every application I have turned in, whether it was on the internet or in person, I have been met with the sound of a door slamming. I tend to think that my police record may have something to do with it.
This has been bequeathing me and my wife a rather steady source of stress and anxiety. I really need a steady full time job. We've reached a point in life that is requiring a bit more capital for survival.
In the meantime, I've moved my son to college, 2 weeks ago and I've informed my daughter that it's back to rehab or move away and live your life elsewhere. We ( I ) can no longer be a part of her self destructive behavior. ( Definitely the hardest most heart wrenching discussion I've ever had to impart upon anyone ). The pain and fear is indescribable. Literally. And, my wife is not getting any better with her situation. In fact, as I write this, she is asleep, finally, on the couch after being up most of the night. ( Yes, I stayed up with her, naturally ).
But, and get this now, without jinxing myself, I may actually have that full time job I've been searching for. I had a second interview yesterday and filled out W-4's, direct deposit paperwork, fingerprinted ( several times ), etc.... So, it's looking pretty good, but please don't go off and tell anyone just yet, OKAY?? Like I said, I don't want to jinx it, and I'll believe it when I actually start my first day. I'll let y'all know.
But, my point I'm getting to is this: is this a sick joke?? My son has moved away and I have pretty much cast my daughter onto the street, and now I get a job?? What kind of "Higher Power" finagling is this!??
I'm not going to say this out loud, but if it was one or the other, I think I'd rather have my son back home and my daughter living a healthy life making good choices rather than this new job!
Do you get what I'm saying? But, I'm not in control of my son's or my daughter's destiny, and I really do need the employment, so I will be truly grateful if I get the job. It's just that it came at a really weird time.
Anyway, other than that, everything is going okay, I guess. Y'all take a moment to say "HI" if you can.
Later,
-coop
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