Back to One Day at a Time

Okay, did I mention that this may not be a completely, soul-searching, gut-wrenching blog site? I might have said that I was going to lighten up, just a little. My reasoning behind this somewhat esoteric disclaimer, is because I feel that now I'm under the scrutiny of the ever-popular Google, I may attract a much larger, more generalized viewer.

I'm not comfortable with that.

So, from here on out, I'm just going to stick to some watered-down sobriety basics, without too much drama. Here goes....

Lately, I've been a little more at ease with my sobriety, and the direction I'm going. I know for a fact why this is so. It has everything to do with my daughter, and her new sober endeavor. I like to think that I'm not trying to force my sobriety on her, that I'm really keeping my distance as far as not trying to sponsor her. And so far, I feel, I've done a pretty good job.

But, going back to my statement about my present contentment. It has to do with my daughter's present environment. Where she is, is a much better place for her, away from several of her old haunts and triggers. And, she seems to be relatively happy, for once. And as we all know, those with kids, when your children are happy, WE are happy. Right?

So, with the latest developments in that regard, I can now take a little time to assess my present physical and emotional sobriety, and what I've discovered is that everything is going ok. Really. I mean, I'm still stressed out over a few things, like employment, a successful pastime, etc., but I'm above ground and breathing.

And that's a good thing

You know, I'm not certain where my erratic lack of steady employment may take me. I do possess a little fear in that regard. It certainly isn't from a lack of looking and applying, so I don't feel totally guilt-ridden with it. But, there are certain family members that this affects, and I am not proud of that fact. Shit, maybe this will trigger a 'dedomiciling' of sorts (yes, that is a word), I don't know.

I've got to remember that I cannot control others. So, if she kicks me out, then she kicks me out.

I sure as shit cannot force someone to hire me, as much as I wish I could.

One cool thing I want to share is that I've been playing more music lately. A brief history: I've been a music lover as far back as I can remember. I've been playing drums since I was about 7 or 8 years old. I've studied music extensively ever since. So, really, I'm a percussionist, but drummer is a lot cooler to say!

Playing any kind of percussion instrument with a talented band is my most desired state of existence. Playing music is at the top of my list. And lately, after a rather lengthy hiatus, I'm getting back into it. Why? Because, I don't want to die without having tried to do what I love full-time. So, we'll see.

-Later

coop