Status: Quo

I have to admit, these past couple of weeks have been very nice and quite uneventful.

I find that when I am being hit from every direction, I tend to forget about myself and focus on everything BUT me. My sobriety is everything to me. Without it, I am no good to anyone else.

Funny how that works.

For so many years I didn't care what use I was to others. All I cared about was me and when I could guzzle the next bottle.

Even though I'm sober, and have been going on 7 years, I still have to stay involved with the recovery process. Many people think, "hey man, it seems like you are doing good with not drinking. Why do you still go to meetings? You're cured, right?"

Wrong

One can never be cured of this disease. Like they say: In order to keep it, you gotta keep giving it away.

This is how cunning this disease is. Think about this for a second: A person gets Cancer, but the doctor says that he can treat it, and pretty much guarantee you a complete recovery. Without a doubt, that person's first words are, "When can we START?!?"

Now, take an alcoholic, and tell him or her that you have a program that will guarantee full recovery if they work it diligently, and you know what their first words are? "Ummm, let me get back with you on that."!!!

It's true. I've heard it a hundred times, at least. And don't be disillusioned about the mortality rate concerning alcohol. It is a Killer. Look it up for yourself. Plus, I don't think I've ever heard of someone having cancer and getting behind the wheel of a car and killing someone.

We all know what drinking and driving results in. Prisons are full of those individuals. I know. I used to carry the message to those prisoners.

Bottom line is, I have to maintain a steady connection with my recovery fellowship for the rest of my life, if I want to stay sober. But, sometimes life can get extremely complicated and become saturated with time consuming events. (and the events I'm referring to are of the long term variety).

When this happens, it is difficult to keep up with the little things that we need to keep us on track. And that's the kicker, is it not? It's during these times that we need our program the most, but the lack of time to be engaged keeps us away. Thus is the anomaly of our plight.

So, what do we do? We just keep doing the best we can. For me, my family is first. My mind cannot see it any other way. But, when I share this information with my sponsor or another close recovery member, they always say, "Well, Cooper, you still gotta take care of yourself." Well, no shit, Sherlock! Like I don't already know that?

But, if my wife is having a tough time, or my daughter, son, father-in-law, etc., needs me for whatever reason, I'm not about to say "well, honey, I'm sorry you're having a bad time right now, but I gotta go to a meeting. See ya later. Good luck." Unfortunately, that's exactly how life happens sometimes. Then before I know it, it's been 2 weeks since I've made a meeting!

As bad as that is for my recovery, I am able to evaluate and pinpoint the importance of what I am doing for my family, and realize that what I am doing is actually a part of my recovery. 

It's called a 'living amends'"

I'm making right that which I made so wrong for so many years.

And when that elusive extra hour finally does present itself? You're damn skippy that I go to a meeting! I'm too afraid not to.

I openly welcome the 'fear' that keeps me going.

Anyway, things are going fairly well right now. But, I will share with you that there is a slight squall on the horizon: this will be the first holiday season without my wonderful, beautiful, brilliant mother-in-law, Sarah Ethridge. That is beginning to put a damper on the general mood of my peeps, including myself. I've actually thought to myself that I'd just rather skip the upcoming holidays and move on.

But, that ain't gonna happen! We shall prevail, though.

God will see to it.

take care
-coop