I don't know, really. Things have been kinda odd as of late. Lots of things have been happening in my life, both good and bad, but it is still a learning and growing process. According to Sobriety 101, once we started using and abusing, we stopped growing emotionally. Which translates as- when I began this sober journey, I was the emotional equivalent of a 12 year old kid. So...that means that I am approaching 20, I guess....
Well, that's what they say, anyway. That being said, if you're struggling, and things don't seem to be going as well as you think they should, just remember this: give yourself a break, you are still maturing. WE are still learning how to deal with life as mature adults, something I've never done before.
I don't know, anymore. There was a time when sitting down and writing about my experiences was just the easiest thing to do. Now, I just can't seem to be able to evoke the same emotion as I once used to. I don't think my passion for sobriety is gone, it's just that I don't feel motivated to write about it anymore. Sobriety is still the most important factor of my life, but my desire to "save the world" is gone.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. It could very well be my ego, possibly. Since no one seems to read what I write, it makes me feel like I'm not reaching anyone, you know? BUT, I hesitate to mention 'ego' because it's our ego we begin to quash once we enter into recovery, fulling intending to work the program. So, it frightens me to think that my ego is still lurking in the background, seeping into the fallible weak spots of my program. YIKES!!!
If I proclaimed that 'it ain't so', then I might have a problem. But since I'm presently aware and actively addressing it with you, well, maybe there's hope for me yet! Life has been steadily presenting new and improved challenges for my alcoholic mind. Thankfully, with God's help, I'm trudging my way through it with my sobriety intact.
Anyway, there you have it. There's my little offering for now. I'm still growing, as you can see. Certainly better than being six feet under
Coop-
